I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
