Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
