I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
not ubering you a puppy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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