I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You smell like stripper and shame
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize