All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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