Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
