worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
