Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
