Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
