Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
