Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
