"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
