I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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