quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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