my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
