you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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