Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
