All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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