Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
