positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
