i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
