I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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