its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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