Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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