i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
