You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
