I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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