do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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