Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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