so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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