I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize