I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
