Please, let me fuck your mom
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
