stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
