What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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