Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
