Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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