Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
