I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
