I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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