I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
from now on my penis is your penis
You can't special order awesome
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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