Don't make out with my wife yet
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
