I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
