You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
