I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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