She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
