I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
