??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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