is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
