Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
