A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
