Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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