he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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