I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
