I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
