i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
