She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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