We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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